Helmet Girl Q+A Extraordinaire

YOUR questions! MY bullshit!

Hello!

A few weeks ago, I put out the call for you all to submit questions to me about anything - culture, movies, games, gender, Chicago, anything. You all sent in way more than I expected. I answered as many as I could but I couldn’t get to all of them! Some questions I’ve combined and others I have responded to personally; there were still more interesting questions to which I would only offer boring answers.

me, excited to answer your questions and comments

With all that out of the way, let’s dive in!

Do you have any advice for a trans guy who recently started T?

I got a lot of versions of this question, but I rarely get this question from a trans masculine person, which is so fun! Thank you for trusting me to give you advice! I hold your question gently.

A lot of people will force you to navigate ‘your relationship to femininity’ - even other trans people. They will ask you if you would wear a dress, if you feel kinship with lesbianism, if you are a femboy. All of these are questions worth considering and I am in no way trying to dissuade you from the beauty of a he/him butch life or looking hot with some stubble and some makeup. But like, I was never asked so boldly and confidently to “negotiate my relationship to masculinity/faggotry” early in my transition. I was allowed to be simply and excitedly explore my transfemininity. I just want to remind you that it is okay to just lean in and experiment and go hard into the new parts of yourself without this external pressure to have your old self pre-sorted. You can do the dialectics of gender on your own time. Have fun on your own terms.

Do not focus on what the hormones are doing to your body. You’ll mess with your head too much if you obsess over that part. Meet your body where it’s at. Don’t let your hopes become pre-requistes to happiness. Think about how HRT makes you feel. Take note of what emotions you encounter right before and after your dose. You won’t see real visible changes for months, but you will know within weeks what feels right.

Posture and the cut of your clothes will help you pass more than anything. You will feel more affirmed in the mirror if you figure out where you want your elbows to go than if you have your perfect facial hair, I promise.

Be wary of cis people but do not shun them. They will be weird to you, immediately obviously and incessantly. They will put you in unsafe positions. They are also most of the people on this Earth. A lot of them will be normal to you and loving and protect you and care for you. Most of them will fall somewhere in the middle. It will take a while to even figure out when this is happening. Be gentle with yourself when you discover you have been reckless with your own emotions.

This is, partially, because you have to go outside. You have to get used to being in the world. You have to figure out your boundaries with strangers. It will be scary, even if you are particularly extroverted, because it is a vulnerable act to display a part of yourself that can make you hyper-visible to stranger. There are trans people around, there are queer people. No matter where you are. But even if it’s too hard or scary to find them, you just have to work with what you’ve got.

Don’t join a commune, or a rural polycule, or an all-trans punk house. That’s fucking stupid and it’s fucking dangerous.

Oftentimes, passing is just about not really being noticeable. The term ‘stealth’ serves multiple meanings.

If you are living somewhere unsafe or feel like it would be better for you to detransition, or if you’re debilitatingly depressed, move. At all costs, move. Your life is more important than whatever is holding you back.

The truth is, trans people will hurt you, because we were in some way, at some point, emotionally stunted by dysphoria, and in a hormonally intense period of self-discovery that lasts at least three full fucking years. Trans people will project things onto you, manipulate you, use you. You will do the same to them. They will do this because trans people are people and not some special angels sent to Earth for one another’s character development.

But you must make friends with them anyway. You must fuck them and love them and live with them and listen to them and hang out with them. Drive to see them. Sublet in their apartment. Make art with them. It is one of the greatest joys you could ever find in life.

Be gentle with yourself. You will be reckless. You will be selfish. You will be okay. I am proud of you. You are loved.